Stone Hill Launch Times

FEBRUARY 8, 1987  SHLT made its debut. At that time, I referred to myself as the "Evil Editor", a title you'll see a reference to below. In the column, "A Hill of Beans", which has been reincarnated several times over the years, you could find out about some of the achievements of Stone Hill SF Association members. Here's what was announced in that very first column.

A HILL OF BEANS Richard Byers has had his first short story published in New Blood. The story is titled, "The Chain".
Debra Hicks had a story titled "Something More" published by the fanzine, Frisky Business.
Your Evil Editor saw her first fanzine printing of a poem, "Lord Darkness" in The Starwheel #2.
The filk, "Bad, Bad Indy Jones", by Adrain Barton, Mike Geraghty, and Ann Morris has been accepted for publication in the fanzine, Flip of a Coin.

NECRONOMICON '88
October 21-23, 1988 Tampa, Florida
Holiday Inn--Ashley Plaza
(rooms $48 single to quad)


GUESTS OF HONOR:
Alan Dean Foster
Timothy Zahn
OTHER GUESTS: Ray Aldridge, Richard Lee Byers, Ginger Curry, George Ewing, Linda Crockett-Gray, Joseph Green, Mary Hanson-Roberts, Beth & Ken Mitchroney, Richard Louis Newman


Membership: $10 till September 15th, $25 after and at the door. One day--$6. Friday night banquet: $18. Dealers tables: $35 + membership. Write P.O. Box 2076, Riverview, FL 33569

CHARLOTTE AND ANN'S BUSINESS BUNS


2 cups flour
1 tbsp. double acting baking powder
3/4 tsp. salt
5 tbsp. sugar
1 grated lemon rind (optional)
1/2 cup margarine
1 egg
1/3 cup milk
softened butter
cinnamon & sugar mix


In a large mixing bowl, combine the dry ingredients. Add the margarine, using a pastry knife to cut it into the dry mixture. Add egg, slightly beaten in the milk, and stir till doughy. Roll out to approximately 6" by 12" on a floured surface. Spread with softened butter and sprinkle with cinnamon & sugar mix. Roll up jelly roll style from the long side. Slice into 1" pieces and bake on a silver, not a darkened, cookie sheet, in a 425 degree F. oven for 12 to 15 minutes. The dough can be refrigerated and used at a later time if you like.

WALDO'S MAGIC SHOP
by Steve Antczak
Wands and staves and rings and such
Crystal balls that are cold to the touch


Potions of healing, flying and polymorph self
All are stocked neatly atop a great shelf
A Wand of Lightening, any foe it would smite
Waldo's Magic Shop, a wizard's delight


Waldo's shop has the oldest selection it's plain
For Waldo is a member of the powers arcane
A flying carpet, the staff of the Magi
A silver thread of hair from a unicorn's mane
Do you wish to be invisible, to remain unseen
There's a ring that will do this and make your senses most keen


And items of magic that are widely known
A bottled djinni which you could own


Stormbringer, Mournblade, and the One Ring
Excalibur, Mjolnir, and the harp that can sing


All we ask is that you make a stop
At the one and only Waldos Magic Shop

SONNET CXXX


My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun; Coral is far more red than her lips red: If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun; If hairs be wires, black wires grew from her head. I have seen roses damusk'd red and white, But no such roses see I in her cheeks; And in some perfumes is there more delight Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know That music hath a far more pleasing sound: I grant I never saw a goddess go, My mistress when she walks, treads on the ground: And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare As any she belied with false compare.


--William Shakespeare

THE DOZEN LEAST FAVORITE THINGS ANDREW OFFUTT HAS DONE
1. Be president of the S.F.W.A. for the second term
2. Chop my thumb with a machete
Actually, the ensuing four weeks were far worse than the afternoon of the act
3. Be MC of convention costume contests that weren't pre-judged and the judges leave you there to fill time while they confer--for about a week
4. See John Carpenter's despoilation of "The Thing" Thank God I got in free --and got to see "Road Warrior" for the first time that night
5. Be at world convention publisher's parties in normal-sized hotel rooms
6. Endure people who say "basically" and "at this time" or "at this point in time" and consider ,do the all purpose verb and "like" the all purpose word
7. Look at MTV Friday Night Videos (We all should do this occasionally, and read Mad Magazine now and again, just to stay tuned in to, er, culture)
8. Listen to those jackasses who occupy tv & public radio after a politician or President speaks, telling us what we just heard him say or not say
9. Listen to people on the radio talk about music, a specialty of classical programming
10. Be at world conventions Unless I get another chance at Toastmastering. Two committees who've asked me lost the bids. (English Majors don't have to accept Cause & Effect.)
11. See covers of sf books showing felinoprimates with the standard feline nose- mouth-teeth configuration that would totally preclude speech
12. See movies without semi-clad warrior women...

BEEF GOULASH


2 lbs. lean beef, cut in bite size pieces
2 tbsp. all purpose flour
2 tbsp. sweet Hungarian paprika
4 tbsp. vegetable oil
1 LARGE, or two medium onions, chopped
2 LARGE cloves garlic, chopped
Pinch of dried marjoram
1/2 tsp. salt
1 small green pepper, cored, seeded and chopped
1 lb. egg noodles


Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Dust the meat with the flour and paprika. In a 3 to 4 quart size pot which can go on top of the stove or in the oven, heat oil on high. Add meat and brown, stirring frequently. When meat is completely browned, turn heat down to medium and add garlic and onions. Cook till onions are translucent, 3 to 5 minutes. Add enough water to cover meat, about 2 cups. Add marjoram and salt. Remove pot from burner to oven and cook till beef is very tender, about 1 and 1/2 hours. Add water as necessary and stir to keep goulash from scorching.
 Thirty minutes before goulash is done, add green pepper and tomato. Just before serving, cook noodles according to package directions and drain. Serve goulash on top of noodles. The book says to butter the noodles but you don't really need to. The goulash sauce runs down through them and makes them moist and tasty without the butter.
This will serve six to eight people.

Date: Monday, 19 September 1994 12:18 p.m.
To: (our Stone Hill member)
From: (the supervisor)
Subject: Written Warning Copies
I have often times seen written warnings with my name on the cc list in associate files that I've never seen before. Point is-I'm being copied without being copied. Any idea why this is happening? (Obviously I'm only inquiring about those warnings that you type for the supervisors/managers.


Date: Monday, 19 September 1994 12:37 p.m.
To: (the supervisor)
From: (our Stone Hill member)
Subject: Written Warning Copies


I was under the impression that HR copied the warnings when they were sent to them and sent one to you. Since this is not happening, I can make a copy for you before I send the warning to HR.


Date: Tuesday, 20 September 1994 8:32 a.m.
To: (our Stone Hill member)
From: (the supervisor)
Subject: Written Warning Copies


The rule of thumb I use is: the distribution of a document with a copy list is my responsibility if I produce/type the final version. The other rule I attempt to follow is: validate your assumptions/impressions if accountability/responsibility belongs to you or is shared by you.


Do you think the supervisor just might be overly fond of business babble?


A related section called "Signs Along the Way" gave account of some road signs I had seen on a trip to a World Fantasy Convention in Georgia. These are still pretty funny to me and worth sharing again.


JESUS IS LORD AT SHEFFIEDS GRANDMA'S ACOOKIN
SYLVESTER GEORGIA, PEANUT CAPITAL OF THE WORLD
TEXTILE TOWN- REAL NICE RESTROOMS
HAIR MASTERS: FASHIONS, CAR WASH, BAIT & TACKLE

SONG FROM THE EPILOGUE
by Richard Lee Byers
It's a world of darkness, a world of gloom.
It's a world of grief and relentless doom.
When the undead with fangs
Are afflicted with angst,
It's a grim world after all.


It's a world of werewolves who like to whine.
They are nine feet tall, yet they're short on spine.
Every soul is perverse,
And quite frequently cursed.
It's a bleak world after all.


It's a dark world after all.
It's a dark world after all.
It's a dark world after all.
It's a dark, dark world.


It's a world of vengeance and violent death,
Full of bloody talons and charnal breath.
Church and state are corrupt.
Even magick's screwed up.
It's a cruel world after all.


It's a world of torment and towering dread,
That you won't evade even when you're dead,
Where all virtue must fail,
And vile madness prevail,
It's a dark world after all.


It's a dark world after all.
It's a dark world after all.
It's a dark world after all.
It's a dark, dark world.


GET ME TO THE CRYPT ON TIME
(from the thankfully unwritten musical My Fair Necrophile)
by Darrell Schweitzer
I'm gettin' buried in the morning!
Drip! Drip! The rain is gonna fall!
I'm getting grimy,
putrescent and slimy,
so get me to the crypt on time!


I feel a touch of rigor mortis!
My eyeballs will drop out one by one!
The stench that you're nosin'
is me decomposin',
so get me to the crypt on time.


Or else I will surely come to get you!
I'll chew off your face and arms and skin!
But you've no cause to dread
your friendly living dead,
If you get me to the crypt on time!


*This last poem is in quite a different and gentler vein.
LOVE II
by Del Stone, Jr.
Massless, he;
infinite, she.
Bound to be
a melody
of energy.


Chaotic, he;
kinetic, she.
Bound to be
a rhapsody
of poetry.


Negative, he;
positive, she.
Bound to be
an elegy
to entropy.

I'M A JEDI
by Adrain Barton, Mike Geraghty and Ann Morris (sing this to the Dr. Pepper theme)
I tote a light saber, don't ya know?
It can cut ya down the middle, head to toe.
Now I take my saber everywhere I go.
I'm a Jedi. He's a Jedi. She's a Jedi. We're a Jedi. Wouldn't you like to be a Jedi too?


I'm a master of the Force, don't ya see?
Though occasionally I blow it, I'll agree.
Now I seek THE OTHER to fix it up for me.
I'm a Jedi. He's a Jedi. She's a Jedi. We're a Jedi. Wouldn't you like to be a Jedi too?


I'm a full fledged Jedi and I'm proud.
I'm part of that well beloved crowd.
Ya know that we are fearless. We praise the Force out loud
I'm a Jedi. He's a Jedi. She's a Jedi. We're a Jedi. Wouldn't you like to be a Jedi too?


Be a hellion. Join the rebellion.
Be a hellion. Join the rebellion.

A STONE'S THROW AWAY    The March 9 Stone Hill meeting will be at the home of Ellen, Mike, Kevin, and Lydia Lindow. The address is 4006 W. Sam Allen Rd., Plant City, FL. You can call the Lindows for directions at 752-4193.

STONE HILL BIRTHDAYS

Robert Dean Hillyard--February 11
Linda Terrell--February 13
Tom Jackson--February 17
Craig Comes--February 19

SOME VALENTINE'S DAY THOUGHTS Valentine's Day is one of my favorite days. It gives me an excuse to let my romantic soul take an outing among the public. I have told you many times over the years that I am a hopeless romantic. Now, as I think of that term, I find a contradiction in it. Of course, you realize that what it means when I call myself a "hopeless" romantic is that there is no hope of me being other than a romantic. However, it occurs to me that a better term to describe what I am would be "hopeful romantic." It is my theory that to be a romantic means always having hope (not being without it or "hopeless") that love and good will eventually win out in this world over hate and evil. It is being in love with the universe rather than only certain bits of it. Of course, it is right to have ties that bind us to special people and things but always, we need to have a loving attitude toward all things.
   In The Lover's Quotation Book a Literary Companion, I found some lines that support my theory. You see, I recall well my English class days when it was not good enough to state your thoughts without the seconding of them by some well known person.
"Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an ordination of character which determines the relatedness of the person to the world as a whole, not towards one object of love. If a person loves only one other person and is indifferent to the rest of his fellow men, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism."
--Erich Fromm

On that note, I will leave you.

TILL NEXT TIME, TAKE CARE AND HAVE FUN!

--Annie